12 Oct

WebMD is where good intentions go to die. Or get nasal cancer, but only in one nostril. Or a carnivorous strain of Amazonian flesh-eating worms. WebMD is basically an online doctor, and by doctor I mean as much as a doctor as the over-informed hypochondriac you met on the Greyhound that one time going from San Antonio to Flagstaff, who was wearing a face mask so as not to catch SARS and kept offering you Purell every seventeen minutes. Not a doctor.

The same symptoms for the common cold (fever, chills, sniffles, cough) also happen to pull up fun diseases like:¬†Legionnaires disease, measels, tuberculosis, pnemonia, sinusitis, just to name a few. Do you have any of these ailments? Probably not, but now you gotta wonder. Are you just in need of a good night’s sleep? Or could it be schizophrenia? You don’t know!

And neither does the internet. Goodness knows it will try to diagnose you, heck it wants to, but in all honesty you probably know what is actually wrong with you. I might not, but at some time or another we’ve all been sick and you know what is going on when your body is fighting off a cold. Stay home and rest, don’t come to lecture hall.

Seriously, I think a good (or bad?) third of one of my lectures has the plague. When my mind wanders, I can hear the weezing in the back of the class and the labored hacking. And the sniffling! If that much liquid is draining out of your face, you might have more pressing concerns than learning about the rise of nation-states in Europe.

Go home, sleep, and please, for the love of Kleenex, don’t get me sick for midterms.


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